Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
