I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i just had sex bonerless
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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