i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
