I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
