I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
