I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize