i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
