oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
