Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
