I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
