"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
