Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
