brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
And then he peed in my hair
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