i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
