Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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