I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
