problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
