im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
