I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
