Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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