Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
