I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
