I've blown a few things in my day
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
