the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
