I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize