I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
