This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
