Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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