i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Randomize