im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
