she takes plan B like it's going out of style
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
