This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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