had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
