how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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