Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
