I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
