I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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