Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
two words...techno handjob
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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