ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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