I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
