I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
