Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
