he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
