i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
