at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
