don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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