I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
