Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
