If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
do herpes really smell.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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