so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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