Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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