Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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