my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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