he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
