based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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