the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
