it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize