Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
