Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
