"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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