I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
