I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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