last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
