this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
