Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize