How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
