How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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