He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
