He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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